February wrap up

Gosh, I'm sorry, but this looks like it's going to be a long entry.

It's crazy how I've taken to blogging. I'll try to limit it to the most 2 postings a day. I watch this Vlogger, B.Scott, on YouTube on a regular basis and the last video was about being grateful about what you have. That really made me think, and I realized I have a lot to be grateful for. I mean things could be a whole lot worse, so here is a short list of what I'm grateful for:

1. I am grateful for life;
2. I am grateful that I have the use of all my faculties - being able to see, hear, walk, etc.;
3. I am grateful for the experiences I've had - living in New York City, Florence, Italy, going to Paris;
4. I am grateful for my regrets, so I learn not to add to them;
5. I am grateful for my family and friends;
6. I am grateful for the talents I have;
7. I am grateful that at last I am moving in the right direction, instead of standing still;

There are so much more for me to be grateful but I'm keeping this short, the list I mean, but tell me what you are grateful for, leave a short list in the comment.

As I was surfing the 'net (how dated is that statement), I came across this article on the Smitten blog. It is called, How Do (or Did) You Imagine Your Future Husband?, and once again I really thought about it, it always comes back as this shaggy haired writer with beautiful eyes, be they green or hazel. The type of eyes I would look into and see the future. Yes, I am a romantic and I'm being truthful.

Here is how I look at it, I'm expected to settle down with a strong black man who will support me and my endeavours. For so long I've been thinking of doing what is expected of me instead of what I want. Do you know what I've wanted of late? I want someone who shares some of my interests, including movies, travel, languages. I want to be able to freely argue in another language and make up passionately. I want independence, I want us to be free to move around and yet be grounded in each other. I want an anchor that won't weigh me down, but keeps me from drifting. I want a father for my children, not a sperm factory. I want someone who is strong emotionally, spiritually as well as physically. I want a Yin to my Yang. I want to reach a point with this person where I feel completely comfortable to be vulnerable and weak. I want him to look at me and feel absolute love. I want him to go the extra mile, as I will do the same. So if I find that all in the form of a shaggy haired guy with a runner's build, rock on.

So what is going on for me in March? Well, I'm going to keep on blogging. I just have to organize my flats and I will start sewing in March. I'm starting with T-shirts, then I go to harder things, till I am constructing the evening gowns. I'm nervous, but I'm going to take it one step at a time. Never give, never surrender.

Oh yeah, Universe can you hook me up with the guy.

Also, here is the B.Scott video:

Don't Judge Me

Don't judge me,
Don't judge my clothes,
My voice,
My speech,
My body,
My stance,
Be it on terra firma
Or ideological high ground.

Don't judge me,
Don't judge my earrings,
My tattoo,
My jeans ripped
In the same places.
All of them
In the same places.

Don't judge me,
Don't judge the melody
Of my voice when I'm with
The one I love
Or the gruffness of it
When I want to
Pierce you heart
With my word.

Just don't judge me!!
I promise
I won't judge you.

The Other End of The Line

Hiya, I just finished watching this adorable movie. I consider any movie that makes me smile a lot, and where the characters are interesting and like-able, an adorable movie. The movie is called "The Other End of The Line". According to The Internet Movie Database (IMDB) the movie's synopisis is:

A beautiful credit card phone operator lives in India but pretends to be American to her callers, an Indian credit card phone operator travels to San Francisco for a romantic liaison with a man she met through her work. Upon her arrival in San Francisco, however, she decides to keep her true identity a secret, which threatens to dampen the sparks between her and her potential beau.

Yes, it's probably me coming off my Slumdog Millionaire high, but I like it. If only I can find it on DVD. It came out in the states in limited release, so you know it would have not hit the shores of Antigua. It's movies like this that makes me wish I still lived in New York (that's another story for another time).

Here is the official trailer, hope it grabs you:


Inspiring quote of the day:

Footprints on the sands of time weren't created by those sitting down.

Beautifully Black

I took a look
At my reflection
In a fogged over mirror,
And saw blackness.
Not the peanut butter black
Nor the butternut black,
But the earth black.

A blackness that was mine,
Derived from the sun
Beating against my skin
As I played on my island.
A blackness that was mine,
Derived from my fore parents.

I, my friends,
Am as black as the earth,
The volcanic earth,
The rich earth
That nourishes plants
Which feed many a people.

But in my youth,
I was labeled ugly
By those whose skins
Were the colour
Of limestone.
Their words like
Whips against my smooth back
Till I broke
And exalted
That I was ugly.

Then one day,
When I was older,
After my skin
Reflected my self hate
Or puberty,
My father
Looked me in the eye
And said,
"You know you're
Beautiful,"
With a twinkle
And love in his eyes.

From that point
I started to love myself,
From the fullness of my lips
To the blackness of my skin.
I love me
And I love being
Beautifully Black.

Wonder Woman

Hiya!! Yes I'm overdue for a poem, but in the next entry. So I just watched the latest Wonder Woman movie, an animation, and you know what? I liked it! Maybe it's going back to one of the first female super heroes, or should I say Super heroine. Maybe it's the use of old school animation, yes I like all the 3-D movies out there, but there is a little soft spot in my heart for the animation style of my childhood. The dialogue ranged between corny and cool, but sometimes you don't need a thought provoking film, just something to ease your mind.

Here is some info on Wonder Woman, gotten from Wikipedia, (bless their hearts):

Wonder Woman is a member of a fictional, all-female tribe of Amazons (based on the Amazons of Greek mythology) who is sent to "man's world" as an ambassador of peace, charged with the mission of imparting the Amazonian ideals of peace and harmony to "Patriarch's World." Among the Amazons she is known as Princess Diana (being the daughter of Amazon queen Hippolyta); in "man's world" she takes the secret identity of Diana Prince. Her powers include super strength, enhanced speed and stamina, and flight. She is highly proficient in hand-to-hand combat and in the art of tactical warfare. She also possesses an animal-like cunning and a natural rapport with animals, which has in the past been presented as an actual ability to communicate with the animal kingdom. She also makes use of her Lasso of Truth (which forces those bound by it to tell the truth), a pair of indestructible bracelets, and an invisible plane.

Okay, I went to YouTube and found the trailer.


Once again God Bless the internet.

Bale Out Club Remix

This is an indication that I live under a rock. Supposedly Christian Bale went ballistic on the Terminator 4 Set and set it off with a lot of f&cks and the like. I only discovered it through a B. Scott video and I thought it was hilarious.

For one there are times when I just want to go off on people with full cannons, and I keep my cool, but I swear there are times you just have to let it out. At least an interesting song came out of it. Too bad I can't play it at the people who piss me off.

The other thing is Christian Bale freaks me out. The first movie that I remember distinctly seeing him in was American Psycho. Thanks Mark, that movie messed with my head. Men in business suits scare me. Hee Hee. Now I know Christian Bale is Batman, but in my heart of hearts, he's an american psycho.

Click here for the link to the song.

Eartha Kitt

Argh!!! It's Tuesday again. Is it me, or are all the weeks racing by? Perhaps it's because I'm older and the concept of time is so finite to me. So busy are we in trying to fit everything in a 24 hour period that we fail to enjoy the thing. As we are doing one thing, we're already thinking about the next thing to be done.

Okay! Basta! Enough of the rambling. I should change the name of this blog to "A rambling brook".

Once again, it's Icon Tuesday!!! I woke up this morning and couldn't think of an icon to honour. The day progressed and I remained blank, then I was driving somewhere and I heard some song and it reminded me of Eartha Kitt. So the Icon for today, Tuesday 24th, February, 2009 is Eartha Kitt. Here's a brief bio I stole from Eartha Kitt - Wikipedia

Eartha Mae Kitt (January 17, 1927 – December 25, 2008 was an American actress, singer, and cabaret star. She was perhaps best known for her 1953 Christmas song "Santa Baby". Orson Welles once called her the "most exciting woman in the world." She took over the role of Catwoman for the third season of the 1960s Batman television series, replacing Julie Newmar, who was unavailable for the final season.

The funny thing is I'm wearing a Catwoman t-shirt today, see...

Alright here are the clips and pics:

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Cause sometimes I want to be evil ;P


Catwoman




Y'all got to admit, she was a better Catwoman than Halle Berry. The Catwoman Movie was a joke.

Here's the quote of the day:

Don't depend on other people to be responsible for you. Don't make yourself stressed out over nonsensical things like material things.
- Eartha Kitt

More Random Thoughts

I'm throwing caution to the wind and just putting my thoughts out there. I mean it is my blog, so why don't I put it all out there. That reminds me, I have to get back to writing in my journal. Anywho......

So if you've been following my blog, you know I broke out of a bad romantic/masochistic situation. Unfortunately, this was with a customer at the place I work. The thing is we are in a global economic shite storm, so I'm not about to lose customers over personal relationships gone awry. So I called the guy and basically said I hope what happen to us does not effect any business with the company. Plus he need not worry, as when he comes I won't be here.

All I got was silence, I had to ask if he was there. Normally, by now I would have gotten back in the situation (the masochistic part) and I will admit I have been exactly 9 days clean. Hopefully, he gets the idea that this is the real deal and you know what I feel really good.

On the romantic front, I'm looking out for my best interest and aiming to be a better person. A person I would like to know better, if I met me. The funny thing is I feel like things are falling into place. I'm not seeing them in their place, but I feel it. I also think the reason I haven't found "the one" is because:

1. I didn't think I was deserving;
2. I didn't like who I was;
3. I didn't know what and who I wanted to be;
4. I didn't know who or what I wanted in my life;

Hopefully by the end of summer all of that will be rectified.

Okay enough rambling, here is the quote of the day:

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're heading." --Lao Tzu

I know, I know this is my second Lao Tzu, but the man speaks truth.

Putting things in perspective

Okay, here we go, this is one of my random thoughts. I was going to say rants, but I promised not to rant. Anyway, a couple mornings ago (Thursday to be exact)I woke up and I asked myself what am I waking up for? What is my driving force? And when I look at it, it's because I don't want to disappoint others, because I'm needed by others and that is it. When I really look at it and see it for what it is, there is the reason I accept death so casually. Death just breaks up the monotony of life.

Then I asked myself, What is it do I want? First thing that popped in my mind is a little shop where I sell clothes I would have designed. But it will be my little shop with all the things I fancy. So then I asked myself, "What is stopping you?" Fear is one, the reality that I never completed anything for myself, perhaps, not truly believing in myself, alot of distractions.

So this year is a new year, a new year of reflection, of fighting old demons. All I can hope for is the strength to see me through. I'm tired and over the talk, it's time to act and what better time.

Inspiring quote of the day:

Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin

Mom

T'was many years
Since I walked the earth,
If you call what I do,
Walking.
My physical being
Is now nothing,
Ashes.
What do they say?
Why, yes,
"Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust.

Well, now,
I just make my way
Through this world.
This world
I saw evolve,
With machines that scream
And people who talk to
Themselves.

Where I'm going?
Nowhere in particular.
From where I'm coming?
Don't really know.
But wait!
What's this I hear?!?
A scream!
A woman's scream!

How could I hear her
So loudly in all this
Modern din.
And yet it beckons me,
So I ran,
If you call this running.
And ran till I stopped
At a building
Where life and death reside.

I followed the screams.
The doctors did not stop me,
Neither the nurses,
Nor the portly security guard
Watching everyone
And everything,
But not seeing me.

Through the door I went
Without opening,
And there, wreathing in pain,
She lay.
Mother.
Mama.
Maman.
Madre.
My single thought.

Then nothing.
Blackness.
Wetness.
I sensed them,
(But how when I have no body?)
Then I was pushed,
By what?
I don't know.

Light shot to my retina,
But I have no retina.
Cold air chilled my skin,
But I have no skin.
Air filled my lungs,
But I have no lungs.
Then I saw her.
Mother.
Mama.
Maman.
Madre.
Mom.

All was forgotten,
All meant nothing.
Unearned love washed
Over every inch of my .....
My new physical being.
I wanted nothing
But the love of
Mother,
Mama,
Maman,
Madre,
Mom!

The Poets' Call

Sit back
As we stitch our words
Into the tapestry
Of your consciousness.

Introducing
New ways of thought
Through our rhyme and reason,
Our rhythm and flow.

Let me teach you,
Inform you
On how I think,
In sunsets and whispers,
Laughter and tears.

Let her teach you,
Inform you
On how she loves,
On how she wants to be loved,
On love.

Let him teach you,
Inform you,
On how he struggles,
On how he succeeds,
On how he stays true
To who and what he is.

Let us teach you,
Inform you,
Entertain you,
Amuse you
And maybe,
Just maybe,
We will see you again.

Lauren Bacall

Hiya!! It's Tuesday again, strangely Tuesday is the most memorable day for me. It's how I know a whole week has passed. It's also my screen icon day. Today's icon is Lauren Bacall. I was exposed to Bacall through Humphrey Bogart. After watching Sabrina, I thought he was interesting, so one day while flipping through the channels, I saw Bogart. I liked his character, so I continued watching. Then Bacall came on the screen, and the interaction between the actors was just perfect. To me Bacall is the personification of cool, dry humour and quiet strength and rebellion. In nutshell, God bless TCM (Turner Classic Movies). So below is a clip and some pics.







Inspiring quote of the day:

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin

Past Tense

I refer to you
In the past tense
Because I don't
Want to think of you
In the present.

I don't want
To think of you
Present in my life,
Present in my heart.
Present.

Then again, you
Were not always present,
More like a voice
On the phone,
Whispering sweet nothings.
Promising nothing.

Still nothing will bring
Me back.
Not words.
Not promises.
Not love.
Not my own pain,
My own desires
To have you.

So I refer
To you
In the past tense.
There is where
I want to keep you.
In the past.

Love & Marriage

Today, there will be two posts, the other one will be the poem.

Now, yesterday, with the help of technology, I was able to have conversations with two friends based in NYC. Through email, one friend and I discussed Valentines Day and the awkward nature of it. In some relationships it tends to feel like an obligation and in others it is another opportunity to express one's love. Well, this conversation flowed into relationships, and a barrage of questions flooded my mind. But the one I asked was, if you are in a relationship and you don't feel compelled to go the extra mile for that person, should you stay?

You see, I have a logical side and an irrational, crazy, romantic side. The logical side would assess the situation and say dump the guy, you're wasting your time and his time. The romantic side says "What if you don't find someone better and you end up alone," or "He'll change or you will grow to live with it." When I look at it the logical side makes sense, but when you are in the thick of the relationship you can't grasp the sense. So I become cynical. Which brings me to my other friend.

She's getting married to a genuinely good guy (well she says he's a good guy). He's her best friend, he's a great lover (she says, of course I wouldn't know that) and he really loves her and she loves him. That's the universe for you, just when you think that love is an old concept, it gives you an example otherwise. I'm very happy for her. He's even going to ask for her hand in marriage. So cute and divine.

Perhaps I'm rambling, I tend to do that, but if you have any thoughts, weigh in.



Inspiring quote of the day:

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao Tzu

I'm Not Supposed To Be

I'm not supposed to be
That woman.
The woman that loved hard
With all her heart,
Even though her mind
Said don't do it.

I was supposed to be
The woman,
That looked both ways
On the highway
Of adult attraction
And romance.
Avoiding being run over
By some sweet talking
Player who wanted to
Hit it and quit it.

I was supposed to be
The woman
Who would look love
In the eye
And tell it to stand down,
Or take a hike.

Somewhere
Along the line
I changed into
The woman
I strove not to be.

And yet
I don't mind being
That woman,
The woman who fell
In love with you.
The woman who gave
As much as she got,
And more.
The woman who knew
You were the one
Is the woman
I chose now to be.

Happy Valentines

Being born the day before Valentines Day can be a bitch. There is the obvious question, "so do you get two gifts?" Unfortunately, I've either been single around my b-day or with someone who isn't a giver (the nicest way I could put that).

Anyway, it Valentines Day and I honestly like the whole concept of love and yada yada, so I nicked some pics from my favourite blog for love, Le Love. I almost forgot to see more lovely love pics, just click on Le Love in my blog list --->

HAPPY VALENTINES











Now to find someone to feel mushy about. Sigh.

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!

Yes it is my birthday, I am a whole 29 years old. This means it's my last twenty-something birthday. The next one is the big 3-0. I think I'm okay with it, I just wish I had accomplished more. It doesn't help when people start wishing you all the best on your birthday and wish the new year brings a husband and kids. Oh well, I'm not going down that road today. I did get a massage, facial and pedicure, a girl got to pamper herself.

Well for the blog, I dug up some of my old pictures. Like my siblings, I have two albums with pictures of myself. A small one with my sign on the cover and a big one. It was cool looking through them and I noticed something for the first time. My defining physical attributes were long legs and intense eyes. Well, what I think are my defining attributes.

On the back of the small album there is this write up:

Perhaps the most sociable and open sign of the zodiac. A deep-rooted commitment towards liberty, tolerance and fair-play for all, he does not limit himself to dreaming of these ideals, but successfully fights for them come true both for himself as well as for others.

Don't know if that is true, but I read another description that said we, Aquarians can control and cure insane people, now that is an interesting description.

Anyway here are my pics:

This is me as a baby, all cheeks.

Like all babys, I got bigger. Lord knows why I'm sucking my tongue.

Me at Redcliffe Quay.

I like bunnies

I was putting on my red dress.

My cleopatra moment

One of the better pics from my teenage years

The sibs

My lil sis and me

Diary of a Tired Black Man

I have a slight addiction to watching movies online, and I come across some gems that don't reach my island or are not really blockbusters. One such movie is Diary of a Tired Black Man. I wouldn't say it's a movie per se, more like a documentary. When I first clicked on the movie, I was thinking it was going to have a parody of sorts on Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman, what I came across was truth. Truth about us black women, truth about how black men perceive us and maybe the starting point for truly working out what one wants out of a relationship and what we want out of a partner. We all have feelings, sometimes our feelings blind us from seeing what the other person is feeling.

There are some very important points I gleaned from this movie, for example:

- Bag lady, leave your bags at the door of your new relationship. This is a new man, new experiences, the last thing you want to do is ruin it with drama from a past relationship.

- There are good men out their, yes you may have dated some crap men, but like anything else, it comes down to persistence, don't stop looking. Also, sometimes it comes down to the human mind and being open mentally and physically to something you want.

- Stop being angry, stop stressing everybody. There is a difference between being strong and being stifling and hegging.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Below are the links to the website.

This is the original clip:


Here are the links to the movie:
Diary of a Tired Black Man 1
Diary of a Tired Black Man 2

Julia Sugarbaker

I think I'm going to make Tuesday entries about film icons, be it on the big screen or on the small.

This week is about the character, Julia Sugarbaker. When I was younger I was hooked on Designing Women and my favourite character was Julia Sugarbaker. When she was passionate about something she would go into a monologue that would put the person in their place. It would be in a manner that screams southern respectability. It's no surprise, I can do a spot on southern accent. The actress that brought this character to life was Dixie Carter.

Anyway, below are some clips of Julia Sugarbaker in action. Enjoy.







And here are some pics.

Lover's Goodbye

I just broke up with someone last Friday and the funny thing is, I'm the one that feels bad and hurting. I know it is a relationship that won't go anywhere, but I feel a little confused, anxious, basically a cocktail of emotions.

I believe I'm good at pushing people away, but for some strange reason I can't push this person away. I'm hoping that this time around, I will succeed through inner strength to get through this breakup.

Anyway, below is a poem which after writing it gave me a moment of peace.

Lover's Goodbye

I love you,
Did you know that?
I probably told you
Once or twice.

You see the attraction
Grew in a nest
Of disdain;
And before I knew it,
Your presence overwhelmed me.
Don't worry,
I'm not the swooning type.

I think we're the type
Of people
Whose attraction is electric.
Kissing you,
Loving you,
Feeling you,
Our intensity too much
To keep us together.
Too much
To keep us apart.

I love you,
But I'm leaving you.
We're like oil and vinigar,
No matter how long
Or how much
You mix us
We still end up
Separating.

Do you love me?
I don't think so,
You never said so.
What you did say
Was that you promised yourself
Never to fall in love.

So I accept
This as my truth,
Your truth,
Our truth.
You will never love me,
I will always love you.

Our journey together
Has come to an end
And I hope the one
Who ends up with you
Loves you as much as
Or more than
I ever loved you.
Good journey.
Good Life.

Sometimes
Love is not enough.

Pics from poetry night

Like an idiot I went through the trouble of getting these pictures then neglected to put them up. So here they are:

Vivian Michael and me.


Kiodi Rascal(I'm sure I messed up his name)


Me, first and last time I'm doing a reading from a bar stool.


Vivian and me again, he was freestyling. I like this shot because I look so african.

Untitled

Cherry blossom
Pressed into the palm of my hand
By a charming gentleman.
A present, you may say,
He said
Innocence for the innocent.

But what he did not know
Was it burned my palm
Like acid on metal.
Proof in my hand,
The guilty can not claim innocence.

Guilty of loving.
Guilty of hating.
Guilty of prejudice.
Guilty of greed.
Guilty of everything
And yet nothing.
Guilty.

I did not scream.
I did not throw it farther than far.
I held it.
I held it for that gentleman.
I held it for me.
I held it for the hope
That one day
It won't hurt so much
And one day
It won't hurt at all.

Katharine Hepburn

Today, I saw a wedding dress that screamed Katharine Hepburn, and I was reminded how much I adore her as an actress. So with the power of the internet, I present you with the Katharine Hepburn I know. Enjoy.



When I saw this scene, I rewound it and showed my brother and mom, it is my favourite scene from the movie.

Below are some pics:

Warriors

Soldiers walked across my grave,
Their boots, spit shine
Now muddy,
Press the earth tighter
Around me.

I have long passed,
But the concept of war
Lives on.

Soon those same soldiers
Will join me,
But for them, tears shall be shed,
Their bodies return to whence
They came.
Politicians will praise them
Their bravery
And familes will recieve
Medals and flags.

Then time will pass,
And like me,
They will become memories,
And even those fade,
Like photos
You no longer look at.

But when they join me,
I will not look at their uniform,
Be it one army of it's enemy,
Nor at the colour of their previous bodies.
I will look at the warrior
Who has fallen
And can rise no more.

Untitled

When I was young,
I dreamt of adventures to be had,
Of boarding ships
To foreign lands
To eat their native foods.

Of climbing mountains high
And breathing in the thin air
Seeing further
Than I thought I could ever see.

Of dancing with men
Of every creed under
The sun, all beautiful to the eye
And to the body.

When I was young,
With the sun warming my skin,
Life just beginning,
I dreamt of the life
I have yet to achieve.