I Promise

The sunlight was
A new type of hot,
Warming my chilled skin,
Never burning, just warming.

I was not accustomed
To this kind of sunlight,
I was more used to
The kind which beat down
On me until sweat
Trickled down the dip of my back
And disappeared into
Forbidden places.

I made my way up la rue,
That’s what they call it here,
Favouring the sunlight,
Avoiding the shadows,
Which held a chill
That I doubt I would ever
Grow accustomed to.

I was on my way
To a café
Where I was to meet Marcel.

Marcel,
The name he gave me.
Marcel,
The name I took.

I was not like the others,
Who made up stories
About their clients.

Monsieur so and so,
Distinguished businessman,
Loving husband,
Proud father,
Insatiable sex fiend.

I nipped into the café,
Just as it had started to rain,
I immediately started to look
For a middle aged man
Wearing a gray suit and a red tie.

He said that was
What he would be wearing.

In a few minutes,
We would be leaving the café,
Catching a cab
To a small hotel in a quartiere
Far from his home.

We would perform our transaction,
And he would go his way,
And I would go mine.

And yet,
Every time,
I would enter a café,
I always have the urge
To step back out,
Perhaps into the rain
That is now falling.

Let it wash away my sins.

And every time,
I would shake off the urge
And introduce myself.
This time,
I promised myself,
Would be the last time.

I promise.