I Promise

The sunlight was
A new type of hot,
Warming my chilled skin,
Never burning, just warming.

I was not accustomed
To this kind of sunlight,
I was more used to
The kind which beat down
On me until sweat
Trickled down the dip of my back
And disappeared into
Forbidden places.

I made my way up la rue,
That’s what they call it here,
Favouring the sunlight,
Avoiding the shadows,
Which held a chill
That I doubt I would ever
Grow accustomed to.

I was on my way
To a café
Where I was to meet Marcel.

Marcel,
The name he gave me.
Marcel,
The name I took.

I was not like the others,
Who made up stories
About their clients.

Monsieur so and so,
Distinguished businessman,
Loving husband,
Proud father,
Insatiable sex fiend.

I nipped into the café,
Just as it had started to rain,
I immediately started to look
For a middle aged man
Wearing a gray suit and a red tie.

He said that was
What he would be wearing.

In a few minutes,
We would be leaving the café,
Catching a cab
To a small hotel in a quartiere
Far from his home.

We would perform our transaction,
And he would go his way,
And I would go mine.

And yet,
Every time,
I would enter a café,
I always have the urge
To step back out,
Perhaps into the rain
That is now falling.

Let it wash away my sins.

And every time,
I would shake off the urge
And introduce myself.
This time,
I promised myself,
Would be the last time.

I promise.

The Chalice of Courage



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On a mountain top,
In a distant land,
Lived a fierce dragon
With talons sharper
Than the great butcher’s knife
And a breath
Hotter than a million suns.

His sole purpose for being
Was to protect a chalice.

This chalice was no ordinary goblet,
It was cast in gold
And encrusted with diamonds,
Emeralds, rubies and pearls,
But what it was made of
Paled in comparison
With what it held within.

Legend has it
That within the chalice
Was an elixir of courage.
An endless supply of
Pure Courage,
But no one had ever
Ventured to the mountain top
To sip from said chalice.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow ain't here yet,
Its still hours away
And when it comes,
I hold onto it
Only to realize it's an illusion.

In my grasp
Is today, and today
Is not enough,
Is not what I expected.
Once again, I hedge my bets
On tomorrow.

Then a million tomorrows
Pass me by,
Or so it appears
When I look back.
Looking back at the wasted
Yesterdays, I put back on
My rose coloured shades
And look towards tomorrow.

I, eventually, regretted my yesterdays
And dreamt of tomorrows,
Then one day, I looked
At the today that stood
Before me, recognizing it what it is.

Today was the clay,
I could still mold
Into the tomorrow I yearned for.

Today was the marble
Ready and waiting for my chisel.
The blank canvas
Prepared for my paint.
The blank page
At the ready for my words.

Slowly, with much resistance,
I put aside my rose coloured shades,
I pulled up my sleeves
And dealt with today.

I used the tools and lessons
Of yesterday and my desires
And wants for tomorrow,
And I made today
The foundation for a beautiful
Tomorrow.

The beautiful tomorrows
That became beautiful todays.

Donkey & Santa's Reindeer

One Christmas,
Santa took it upon himself
To give his reindeer
A vacation.

They had worked so hard
Over the years
And he thought they deserved
And would like
A little fun and sun.

So the week leading up
To Christmas Eve,
Santa and his reindeer
Made their way to Antigua.

One day,
As the reindeer were soaking in the sun,
Along came a donkey,
Named, well, Donkey.

“Now, what are you all
Suppose to be?”
Donkey asked unceremoniously,
Eying the reindeer up and down.

“Oh, well we are reindeer,”
Answered Dancer.

Now Donkey had heard of reindeer.
While passing a classroom,
He overheard the teacher
Telling her students about them.

“Well, what brings you here
To my neck of the world?”
Asked the very curious Donkey.

“We’re on vacation with our boss.”
Answered Blitzen.

“What! Hold up,
Hold up one minute!!”
Since when did reindeer have bosses?
And what kind of boss
Take their employees on vacation?”

Quite patiently, the reindeer
Explained who they were
And who their boss was
And what they did.

Now, this caught Donkey’s interest,
And the gears in his head
Started to turn,
Donkey was up to something.

The day before Christmas Eve,
Donkey found the reindeer
Where he last saw them,
And started to sweeten them up.

“So, you all have been having a good time?
Did you get to see the sights?
Devil’s Bridge, Shirley Heights
And the view from Mount St. John’s?”
Asked Donkey.

“Well, no,
I’m afraid we haven’t,”
Replied Rudolf.

“At least, you got to
Go on the Safaris,
Or on the zip lines in the rainforest,
Or went to the night clubs?”
Asked Donkey.

In unison,
The reindeer shook their heads.

“Well, you can’t leave Antigua
And not see all the sights
And do all the activities,”
Donkey said with authority.

With the quickness,
Donkey loaded up the reindeer
In his friend’s vehicle
And off they went to see the sights.

From East to South,
And South to West,
The reindeer and Donkey went.

From Betsey’s Hope
To Walling’s Dam,
Donkey told the reindeer
Everything he knew about
The little island once known as
Wadadli.

At the end of the day,
Donkey returned the exhausted reindeer
To their villa, and all
They wanted to do
Was fall asleep until the next day,
But Donkey had other plans.

After dinner,
Just as the reindeer
Were falling asleep,
There was a knock at the door.

“Up, up lazy heads!”
Donkey said turning on all the lights.
“We, my friends, are going dancing!”

From South to North,
They went to all the night clubs,
And it was about 5 in the morning
When the ever so tired reindeer
Were able to close their eyes.

At 9am, after breakfast,
A rested Santa made his way
To the reindeer’s villa.

After the second,
Or was it the third knock,
Santa heard a groggy voice
Say, “It’s open.”

In the villa,
Santa found reindeer draped
Over beds, tables, sofas,
There was even one in the bath tub.

“What is wrong?
Why aren’t you ready?
We are due to return
To the North Pole to prepare
For our long night’s work,”
A panicked Santa exclaimed.

Out of a thick duvet,
Rudolf’s head emerged,
His nose barely aglow.
“I am ever so sorry, Santa,
But we are too tired
To even make it to the door.”

As Santa left the villa,
Trying to figure out what to do,
Donkey so happen to be passing by.

“Hey, what’s with the long face?
But wait, aren’t you Santa?
Aren’t you supposed to be jolly?”
Questioned Donkey.

Santa explained his predicament
To the donkey.

“Well, you are in luck, St. Nick,
My name is Donkey,
And if you didn’t know,
I so happens to be
A beast of burden.”
Boasted Donkey.

For a minute or two
Santa stared at the donkey,
Pondering if it was
Possible to use him.

“Well, it’s not as though
I have a choice,”
Santa said, at last.
“We leave immediately.”

Before he knew it,
Donkey was on his way
To the North Pole
And Santa was explaining
What was expected of him.

By the time
They reached the workshop,
The sled was packed
And Donkey realized
The mammoth task ahead of him.

While Donkey was being hitched to the sled,
Santa slipped away
And changed into his flying suit.

Upon return, he said,
“Well, we are set to go.
Do you have any questions, Donkey?”

“Well, Santa, there is one question
That has been bothering me.
How exactly am I going to fly?”
Asked a nervous Donkey.

“Ooops, I did forget that,
Didn’t I?”
Santa then proceeded to
Sprinkle magic dust on Donkey,
Then he climbed into the sled.

The dust truly was magic,
As it made Donkey feel
As though he could
Do anything, including pull
A sled full of gifts.

And that he did,
Starting in the East
And flying West,
Santa and Donkey delivered
Gifts to boys and girls
Around the world.

And in one night,
With dusk to the front
And dawn at their backs,
The job was completed.

This made Donkey happy,
As the northern countries
Were too cold for his liking
And the southern countries
Were too hot.

When Donkey returned
To his home in Antigua,
He went straight to bed
And slept most of Christmas Day
(Donkey was never known
To miss Christmas dinner.)

A few days later,
Donkey passed by the reindeer’s villa
To say his goodbyes
And to wish them well.

“We know what you were up to,
Donkey, but we are happy
That it did not get in the way
Of the Christmas deliveries.
If anything, we now have someone
Who could fill in for us when necessary.”
Said Vixen.

“And who pray tell,
Is that someone?”
Asked Donkey.
“Because I know you aren’t thinking of me.”

Confused,
The reindeer looked at each other,
Some whispering among themselves.

“But you did such a good job,
Why not you, Donkey?”
Asked Dasher.

“Well to start,
The North is too cold,
The South is too hot.
Then when I did get home,
I spent most of Christmas day sleeping.
I almost missed Christmas dinner!!”

“No you can keep your job,
And I will stay in Antigua.”
And with that said,
Donkey trotted out of the villa.

But every Christmas,
Donkey would stay up
Until he saw the red glow
In the sky.
He would let out a big chups
And trot into his house.

And yet, as he curled up
To go to bed, a smile
Would stretch across his face
And Donkey would mumble sleepily,
“Better them do it, than me.
Merry Christmas, Santa’s reindeer
And Merry Christmas to you.”

I'm Afraid

visualize.us

I'm afraid of
Falling in
Love.

I'm afraid of
Giving my all
And learning
That it's not
Enough.

I'm afraid of
Trusting,
Falling back,
Hoping to be caught
Only to find that
No one is there.

I'm afraid of
Hoping, wishing,
Wanting, desiring
The One,
And when I get it,
I'm not
The One.

I'm afraid,
And still,
I choose to
Love.

A Nice Man

Simon smelled divine, tonight.
The scent must have been
A mix of sandalwood
And some scent
I just couldn’t identify.

Unfortunately,
I didn’t get the opportunity
To savour the various notes
As Simon was raping me.

He’s such a nice man,
My mother would say
As we would pass him
In the street,
Just after he gave us
A polite nod and a warm smile.

To end
Her glowing endorsement of him,
I accepted Simon’s invitation
To dinner.

Over salmon and lamb,
We discussed everything
Under the moon,
And I honestly thought
That Simon had potential.

It was just as the date
Was winding to an end,
As we stood in my doorway,
Simon overwhelmed me.
The wind was knocked out of me
And reality faded away.

I woke up with
Him on top of me.
My dress was torn
And I was so exposed
With Simon grinding,
Pumping, sweating,
Face contorting with a mixture
Of pain and ecstasy.
All I felt was pain.

The pain caused by
His weight pressing me
Deeper into the floor boards.

The pain caused by
His invading my body,
Ripping me in two
With each thrust.

The pain that emanated
From where he struck me.

Before long,
He was done
And only at that moment
Did he realize that
I had came to.
“You liked that,
Didn’t you?
I know I enjoyed it.”

He got dressed,
Complementing me
On how nice my apartment was.
He especially liked
The hardwood floors.
He giggled at his own joke.

I waited for the “nice man”
To exit my apartment,
Then called the police,
Then my mother,
Who sobbed outside
As the doctor collected evidence
For the rape kit.

As news spread
Of Simon’s arrest,
Women came forth
Claiming that he had raped them.
They were ashamed at the time,
They were party girls
And Simon was such a nice man.
Everyone would have
Believed whatever he said.

A year and a half later,
Simon was sentenced
For raping me, and
The police were investigating
The other claims of rape.

From that night forward,
I am wary of any man
Who is described as
A nice man.