Courtesan

Sydney Morning Herald

I want to be
With you,
But I love her.

She s my everything,
I would never leave her.

He said all this
As he lay in my bed,
His head resting
On my belly.

God,
It was a heavy head!

I was the other woman,
The one he would
Seek out
For conversation,
For warmth,
For sex.

I would listen
To his problems,
Give him advice,
Be a pillar
For him to lean on.

I was his
Courtesan.

Such a pretty word
For a woman
Who was used
And tossed to the side.

Such a dainty word
For a woman
Who invested her time,
Energy,
Affection
On a man
Who will eventually
Turn his back to her.

As I laid there,
His head
Resting on my belly,
I let his word
Wash over me.

I imagined he was
Affirming his love for me
Not her,
The woman who had
His heart.

I looked down at him
And made a promise
To myself.
I promise to resign.
I promise to be
A woman who held
A man's heart.
I promise to never
Be a courtesan again.

This was our last night.