Dirty Words

Love!
He spat the word out
Like it was venom
He sucked out
Of his buddy's ass.
A secret they would
Take to their graves.

This was right after
I whispered in his ear
That I love him.

He jumped out of the bed,
Quickly pulling on his clothes
And grabbing his keys.

The pathetic look
On my face
Stopping him in his tracks.

I sat stark naked
On the bed.
The same bed on which
We had mad, crazy sex.

He stooped down
In front of me,
And speaking as though
I was a five year old,
Told me that
He didn't love me.

He would never love me,
I wasn't the kind
Of woman
Men like him loved.

He had a wife.
He had 2.5 kids.
He was the pillar
Of the society.
Why would he love me?

I was something to do
While his family
Was visiting his in-laws.
A little fun.

He stood up
And walked out the door
Without looking back.

I kept my head down,
In case he came back
For something he forgot.

I waited
For his car to start up,
For the roar of his V-8
Fading into the night,
Then I reached
For the tape recorder
Under the bed.

I rewound the tape
And pressed Play.
The sound of
Our mad, crazy sex
Filling the room.

I heard myself
Screaming out his name.
I heard his distinct voice
Talking dirty to me.

I listened to the pathetic speech
One more time,
But this time around
A big Cheshire cat grin
Was plastered on my face.

In a couple days,
I would pay my lover a visit,
I would play a copy
Of this tape for him.
The copy would be his to keep.

I would ask for
A few bills for the original,
And with him a little poorer
And me a little richer
I would leave
This two bit town.

I think this is
What they call justice,
Blackmail is such a dirty word
And a woman like me
Didn't use dirty words.