Monday, October 29, 2012

Drawn


I was drawn
To the sexuality that
Oozed out of him like
Pus from an infected wound.


This is my attempt at Haiku with out knowing the rules of Haiku. Now to go looking for the rules. Expressions: Poetry at the Pub will be doing a challenge at the next open mic. The best Haiku wins prizes. I will be trying out my hand at this form of poetry up until November 13th.

Let me know what you think and leave a comment with anything you know about Haiku that will improve my inability to write Haiku. LOL.

Submitted to imaginary garden with real toads and dVerse Poets Open Links.

11 comments:

Barbara said...

Your poem made me laugh out loud!! That said, you need to whittle it down to 17 syllables or less(depending on the rules set by the website) Try for 3 lines instead of 4 and make the second line slightly longer. Good luck. I may mosey over there to Poetry at the Pub and take a look. I love haiku although I am fairly new at it.

Laura said...

gross and engaging all at once...isn't that so often the case?

Marian said...

yikes. hard to avoid that.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Brilliant. Wonderful!

Margaret said...

This is a fun poem, but not a haiku. They are quite tricky and it does depend if you want to do a "traditional" or "modern-American" one. :) Google it and you will see a number of examples. Good Luck

Mary said...

Yikes, oozing puss doesn't sound very attractive or romantic to me!! Smiles.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

I suggest you have them swabbed before any intimate contact. :-)

Brian Miller said...

unique to say the least...ha...interesting contrast...it works...haha laughing at some of the above comments...

Beachanny said...

Hi..My name is Gay (beachanny) and I host the Form articles along with Sam Peralta. We have several on haiku on dVerse (3 I think). This is a clever poem but not precisely haiku - it's called a senryu which means it's NOT seasonal or nature based. (That's a requirement for haiku). This has a "contrasting" thought or metaphor, but the Asian forms generally use an "image" as a way to slice open the initial one making a play on it from another angle so that it takes on multiple meanings and / or emotional depth.

Those requirements are not so strict with senryu. The Japanese currently still use the 5/7/5 syllable form of three lines for poems like this and they simply call them "free verse"...funny, huh?

M. A. S. said...

The contrasting imagery is beautiful.

Nimue said...

This is beautiful !!
Loved it :)

 
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